The Town Moor Half

 Picture (North East Marathon Club)

Can you listen to a loop of Def Leppard for an hour and a half? This is the question no one has bothered to ask themselves before now. Why should they? After hearing 'Armageddon it' , 'Photograph' or even the slightly unnerving 'gunter glieben glauten globen' nonsense at the start of 'Rock of Ages', you almost always will have the choice of playing something else.  And if 'Pyromania' is not your bag, you can always turn off your Walkman.
However, for me on a crisp Sunday morning at the start line of the Town Moor half marathon, it was just the job and I raced my way round three and a half of laps of the Newcastle course to an eventual 1:30:10 and 10th place. I admit it wasn't the best field I have ever raced against, but there were 150 of the little cogers and many of them were younger than me. It was a last  minute thing and I paid the £25 entry fee in a resigned and scroogelike fashion for an entry on the line. Tightwad. Given my track record, I should be getting appearance money. The event was organised by the North East Marathon Club.

I was well wrapped up, but there was very little wind and it was warming up. On the start line I explored the possibility of removing my t shirt which was under my club vest. However, one of the pins that held on my race number was sticking through it and with gloves on and the countdown underway, I abandoned the idea. Six miles later clipping along at 6:45 pace, I was looking to strip off. I was cooking in my own juices, slowly marinating in my trainers, stewing in the heat of my misguided exertions. I was too warm. As I rounded the boating pond and finish line for the second time I dis-robed, losing touch in the ungainly process with a small group in front whom I had been hoping to join since the start. A lad from some fell running outfit came past soon after and also went past the group. I knew it would be curtains for the happy band of four and, right enough, they split soon afterwards. Sad business. The good news for me was that one or two of them started to go backwards and I soon passed them and left them to eat my shorts.
We were running amongst those who had entered the marathon and set off an hour earlier, so it was difficult, nigh on impossible to work out where in the field you were. I thought by mile 10 that I was up to 15th. My pacing was fine. After all it was just another Sunday run; right? I had tucked in behind a lad with a tidy stride at around 8 miles and sat there, slowly dehydrating. At the start of the final lap I tried to be clever and grab 2 cups of juice, rather than 1. The cups were barely half full and I was putting in a bit of effort. I needed some liquid, and soon. However, I miscalculated the grab speed factor and missed the second cup. Not to be put off I stopped and cut back, grabbing a second cup and scrabbling my way back onto the course like a hapless version somewhere between Tommy Cooper and Louis Hamilton. My pacer had put 20 metres into me during this short lived juice debacle. They're already calling it 'juicegate': Me, utterly juiceless; the juicelessmeister. I would spend the next 3 miles or so slogging around trying to catch him as he glided high knee lifting his way around the exhausted marathoners. At mile eleven I had a spot of luck when I caught someone in a red and white club vest. He was more cooked than me. His shorts and vest were soaked. I wondered if he'd had a quick dip in the boating pond with the ducks. I subsequently managed to use him as a wind-shield before taking off and leaving him to smell the coffee. What am I like!? First v50 and as much pepsi as you could drink at the end.
At the finish a woman came up with bags around each wrist. She asked if I was vegan or not..it was a loaded question. Was there a right or wrong answer? Could this be the difference between getting a medal or not? I tentatively replied that 'I could be soon'....I've no idea what the difference in the bag contents were, but I obviously passed the test and enjoyed the sherbet fountain and opal fruits in my post race foamy bath... (I haven't found a use for the Cauliflower yet!)
With the Council and Police driving road racing off the road hereabouts, it looks like this event will continue to grow in popularity. Left the course feeling pretty smug with myself, but in a humble way you understand!  In a humble and vegany way, that is.